My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
