I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
