You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
