Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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