can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
