Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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