Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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