i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
