never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
