it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
