She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
