I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
