where am i from again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
