I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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