I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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