tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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