Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
