u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize