Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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