ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
