3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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