I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
