We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
