if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
