At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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