in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sober January is a disaster.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
