My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize