Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
