I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
