tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
