I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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