I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
