I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Two words: blizzard sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
