dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
