um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
