Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
