Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
