So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
