How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
