I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
