My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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