i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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