last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
