She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
