1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
