I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
