literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
