Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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