fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
