Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
