dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
