It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
