you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
