Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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