just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
