First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize