Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
