I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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