he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
