I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
