u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
