He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
