just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were destined to go to rehab together
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
