I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
