I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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