party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
