dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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