that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
