If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
