there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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