just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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