I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
