then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
